Three years after being mentally ill, that led to me being diagnosed with a form of bipolar, I’ve written something to reflect on the experience. Here it is, called Sometimes High, Sometimes Low:
My thoughts race, I can do anything.
I am joyous, I feel like a king.
I get so much done.
Even cleaning out the kitchen cupboards is fun.
Am I losing my mind?
Guilt, despair and hopelessness feel intertwined.
I never want to leave my bed.
I am exhausted and have pain in my back, stomach and head.
Sometimes high, Sometimes low.
What will come next? I don’t know.
I may do much, I may do nothing, just to get through the day.
I’m so tortured, desperate and powerless that I even pray.
I get a glimpse of being okay.
It gives me hope that come out of this I may.
I eat, bathe and move.
I ask for help, without it, I would never improve.
My life as I’ve known it is at an end.
It is time for me to reinvent myself and transcend.
I take medication, relax and check in with myself to keep well.
I never want to go through that again, it was like a living Hell.
Antony Simpson
Bio: Antony Simpson is a registered Nurse with over 13 years experience in the fields of mental health and alcohol & substance misuse. He is diagnosed with Cyclothymic disorder (a form of bipolar) and author of Mental Health Wisdom. The blend of professional and personal experience makes Mental Health Wisdom truly unique.
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Really enjoyed this, I have Cyclothymia too so I really related to this. Especially cleaning out the kitchen cupboards being fun! It’s absolutely exhausting and I think this poem hit the nail on the head. I hope you’re well!
This is very powerful. I also live with BiPolar and you described it perfectly. It is so tough, and we really never know what to expect. Thank you for being so brave to share this. The world needs to hear this.