I often look back on my life and think to myself how I have changed over the years, what milestones in my life help create who I am today. Some of those major life events include getting my college degrees, getting married and having my daughter.
These were some of the happiest moments in my life, but there were also hardships that defined me most recently in 2015 when my mother passed away and some of the most difficult times raising a family when financially it was very difficult.
You may be asking yourself why is this important to me? Well it should be important to all of us knowing that that five, ten, fifteen years from now you will be a different version of yourself, you may or may not life who you become.
I can say truthfully back in high school and early college years which put me at late teens early twenties I was incredibly naive and if there was one word, I could use it was just innocent.
Growing up I was always verbally abused by a grandparent who helped raise me with my mother and sister. In one way I felt I was very sheltered with not a lot of friends, mostly spending my time at home, doing chores, homework and manual labor that my grandfather had me do.
Like most teens I like music, movies and computers and I loved sport deep sea fishing but growing up felt like a slow process I was awkward in a way, certain things that most kids and young adults were doing at my age I was not like dating, going to dances, spending time with friends.
As you can see I said friends twice and that is because I feel friends have a certain affect over how we grow as individuals, I didn’t really have that although I sure did try.
Going through college, I was a lone wolf so to speak, spent time at home or on my own, which again had an effect over my development in my young twenties, I honestly feel I was in a haze those years and that is probably because at those times I was also going through a deep depression which severely slowed down my ability to function at times and do things that those my age did like have fun.
Going into my late twenties and early thirties I finally found the person I would marry and have a child with and for the first time in my life I felt complete hope that I could have some growth in my life and boy did I grow.
Nothing changes you like a family and being that I was in my early thirties I seemed like a perfect time in my life to start a family, but in all honestly I was not prepared for married life, so to help me I dived in my work, working two jobs to help support us and be a good provider, it was exhausting but worth in as my daughter had her mother with her all the time.
The struggles really got to me like that do many, but depression always seemed to linger and I had difficultly coping. Through hardship’s I felt myself changing in the sense of personality, how I treated my family at times and how I view my life. we
My attitude at times has been difficult, my personality went from sweet to almost non-existent just in a gloom at times always thinking about money, paying bills and keeping things together. I felt angry at times, resentful of those who were experiencing success in their lives and I always felt as I was struggling to make it.
Due to these feelings, hardships, life challenges my attitude and feeling changed and soon became very jaded, angry and although I have my family felt that speaking to them about these feeling would only concern them so I bottled them up and carried them around.
Looking back, I ask myself where I went wrong from early twenties to my now forties, as these years felt as though they were in the blink of an eye gone, never to return.
Each day I look in the mirror and realize I will never be the same man I was in my teens, Twenties and Thirties that I will grow and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it is frightening to see how will I change, how will I change in my forties, fifties and beyond, I know I will we all will.
I just felt I needed to self-reflect as I do and reflect this with you to think, that you have a choice in your life, to think about how you want to grow, sad to say I didn’t realize this until late in my life. I imagine where I would be today if I had realized my power.
If you have gotten to the point of this blog, you will see that I find self-reflection important to mental health due to not dwelling on the past or the wrongs in our life, but the rights too. All too often time passes by as we live life and forget to reflect on how we have changed over the years, are we kinder, Angier, wiser, bitter what describes you. I feel this can be done at any age or stage in our life, but make sure it gets done. All too often we tend to do this in the new year, but really think each week, month and even day how you change and grow.
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