I’ve always hated change. As someone that suffers with anxiety, I hate the feeling of uncertainty. I hate not knowing what the outcomes could be from a particular situation. Why do I find embracing change so hard?
I moved around a lot when I was a child. I remember the first move, I was heartbroken to be leaving my first home and all of my friends that lived there. We moved 5 hours away and things were never the same. Sure, the new house was nice. And I made new friends. But I didn’t settle there well. 2 years later, I was uprooted again.
This time round we grew roots. My parents have stayed in this house for over 20 years now. I moved to uni and then back again. Then I have done my fair share of moving around with my own family since, although it’s been in the same area. But ultimately, the moving when I was a child had stuck with me. I hated that feeling of unfamiliarity. Coming in as a ‘newbie’. Knowing that you wouldn’t really ever get to see your friends again. Even at middle and high school and since, friends have come and gone.
Friendships, I have learnt do come and go. Like the passing of night and day. We allow that to happen so easily and freely, but I hate it when a friend leaves. Whether this is due to a move, or moving on with their own life separately from mine. Now, I do realise we can’t possibly remain friends with every single person I have ever met, but I feel things so deeply.
I miss people. And so when I sense that a friendship won’t be the same again, I almost panic. Why can’t it be the same again? Why does this friendship have to dwindle? But before I know it, I settle into the new routine of life without them. Although over time I often reflect on the old friendships, I know life is as it should be without them.
Over time, I have had to learn to go with the flow. To take things one step at a time. To be patient with the outcome of any given situation in life. This is easier some days than others.
I try now not to react to situations straight away. Especially stressful or upsetting ones. It’s easier to mull it over, and sleep on an issue and to react calmly with a clear head. By going with the flow, I have learnt to accept change a lot more now.
But it’s hard. Living with anxiety, I have come to hate uncertainty. But bit by bit, I go with the flow. I try my hardest to remember that everything happens for a reason, and to take life one simple step at a time. So, if you struggle with change- I would advise this too.
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