For some feelings of inadequacy is something we tend to carry around throughout our lives, even though many will say you should not. Yes, we are all different have different talents, strengths and weaknesses. As an instructor to college-age students I have had my share of teaching students from all walks of life which has also allowed me to reflect on my shortcomings.
Growing up I can honestly say I grew up poor, I wasn’t to the point of being homeless thank goodness, but growing up as a child I didn’t realize we were poor until I got older and realized that there was a lot I could not have. Yes, we had food on the table, a place to sleep and clothes on our back which many would say well that should be enough.
But when I became a husband and then a father, I realized that was not the life I wanted to give to my child. I truly feel being poor in an America is almost a crime as the cost of living is high especially living in California where the luxury of beaches and Hollywood justify the high price. My family is at a much better place now but still on the verge of going back financially when certain situations take place as our current pandemic.
Even now it’s a struggle where you need two incomes just to make it or you will truly be poor with scraps to eat and the housing is not the best neighbourhoods. I know this may be true for anyone living anywhere, being poor, low income however you want to spin it is looked down upon and those who have money, strong family structure is considered more valuable in today’s society.
Some of you may not agree with my opinion, because maybe you were brought up with a different family structure, a good decent living with good education with everything you could desire. Other’s will feel we have all the control to get out of poverty by pulling up our own bootstraps and getting it down and there are even those that feel being poor is a person’s fault.
Why am saying all of this you ask because it is my impression this has truly causing major delays in my life from getting a proper job, having the mental development one needs to be successful in this life. Growing up in Los Angeles in an area that many who watch movies will see perfectly represents the area such as Menace to Society, Boyz in the Hood and Last Watch. All these films centred in Los Angeles and if you think those films are not reality think again, they exist.
I can honestly say I blame my family for this upbringing for putting myself and my sister in those kinds of conditions, but once again when you lack resources what else can you do. I know its easy to say just move but it’s not always so easy.
It is my belief that others have always seen me as less than dating back to my childhood and I think it’s a common problem we have today. I know it may be different for you as you may have been in a similar situation but under different circumstances.
It has been a hard road to change my frame of thought, one area I focused on was education by going to school getting my bachelors and masters but that didn’t always completely help me feel more worth especially in the eyes of those we depend in this life.
Who are those people we depend on well for one of those people we need to help us in life like our bosses and supervisors who we depend on seeing us of value? I know this may sound crazy but in life, we rely on so many to help us reach our goals, it’s not just myself taking myself where I want to go, someone has to believe in us, not just ourselves.
I have not had many people in my career who have truly believed in me to want to help me and that I feel has truly affected my life and prosperity. It’s never enough to think we don’t need any help, we can do it ourselves with our own will. We need people, people who will encourage us, belief in us, bring us up to reach our full potential.
From the outside I should feel differently I have a wife, a daughter who loves me who look to be to give them confidence, encouragement, and love which I want them to have. But in the end, I am looking myself to feel adequate especially in the work I still have not received it although I have worked hard to gain it.
I tend to do the opposite in my students and family because they see their specialness and I tell them that, in my life, not many have said if I am special or what they see in me which has to lead me to believe I am not good enough. It’s not enough to just believe in myself, it’s nice to hear it to feel it, but I am in search of that each day.
Are you like me do you feel inadequate? Do you feel good enough? If now how have you gained that confidence? I would love to know.
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