For most of my adulthood and childhood I can honestly say I was not happy, I was depressed and even at point suicidal. Much of these feeling stems from my childhood and how I was raised. Having a daughter who is now nine years old I relish at being her father and always there for her. But growing up I lived with my mother, Sister and grandfather who verbally abused me since the age of five years old with put downs, curse words and thank goodness no physical violence but it did come close to that.
I marched to what I was told at a young age as my mother tried to provide for us the best she could, but relied on her father for housing and food, although I mother always worked it was still hard. Call it bad luck, but I think its probably deeper than that.
I believe she too suffered from a lack of self-worth because she was brought up in a household of no real love and attention because the father she later searched for and found abandoned her in her childhood. I think of this has a horrible cycle that took years to break, and in all honestly it didn’t truly break until my grandfather who in my opinion shouldn’t even be call that, but he died in 2016 and my mother passed in 2015.
I vowed when I had children and even my wife to never treat someone subhuman like I was treated growing up as it affects me even today just thinking of it. But life goes on and I still had to live my life and survive and to do that I had to let anger have control of me to push me harder to get out of this mindset of depression and self-loathing.
I sympathize with many out there who suffer with these types of feelings living in the shadow of people who have hurt us, its not easy to break free. For most of life I really didn’t realize the damage it has caused until you look back after twenty years and ask yourself why my life isn’t better and its because deep down I truly felt I didn’t deserve to have good things in life like a good job, money and even a family at times, but you do deserve it.
Anger is an important feeling that I believe can push us harder to succeed in life. Some of you may not agree with and say anger is not helpful it hurts people. But really, I am not talking about projecting anger on to others, many people do that today and that is why we live in such divisive times. When anger is used properly, we can funnel our energy to see our mistakes and correct that behavior for the better, I know it did for me.
Are you tired of your job, tired of living in a way that doesn’t fit how any person should live? Do you have no relationships with friends and family or any relationships for that matter? All of these things we value in this life we can change for the better. We can change our mindset to let go of the past, the hurt and let anger take control for a moment.
Today I am no longer angry, but self-reflected on the mistakes I made in life and why I am today, but I am working to correct those mistakes in life, personal, career and how I see myself and others its all possible.
Some of you may not understand where I am coming from because some of you may not have had the hardships I have had. Maybe you grew up in a loving family and home so you have no reason to be angry because you have a healthy understanding of who you are and what you are capable of. For the rest which it seems like there are many out there, this could be a way to release yourself from the pain and get angry and change course now, its never too late.
We do live in world and in a country full of despair, depression and anxiety and some would say well for good reason look at the world. Look at how people are treated today like subhuman with no value. But really in society we all society to view us that way. Take the mindset you are not worthless; you have value regardless of what your bank account says. We all have gifts and talents we can use we just have to see it for ourselves, which means getting angry and opening our minds to those gifts and pushing the limits for ourselves to see what we have in each of us. Once we fully realize that potential let go of the angry, its not meant to be carried like an addiction but be let go of at a certain point.
I know today I have little or no angry within me, but I still get frustrated with my own limitations, but I am only human after all. Never give up trying to be a better version of yourself!
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