It’s supposedly one of the biggest decisions you can make in your life- not just in terms of education and career, but lifestyle and fulfilment as well.
So why can’t I decide?
When it came to applying for Uni whilst I was doing A Levels, all my friends had powered through writing their personal statement and sending off applications. But I felt reluctant, and couldn’t work out why. I just had this sense of dread whenever I thought about applying, and thought I was completely alone in this.
Thankfully, I discovered this wasn’t true, and in fact most of my friends who had gone off to Uni were advising me not to do it, as they regretted either their decision to go, when they went or the course they chose.
This provided some relief, in terms of reassuring me that I wasn’t the only young adult who was hesitant about Uni, but still didn’t completely sway me into a decision.
On the one hand, I was so keen to go to University and get a degree; I thrive within education, and love to study and take on new information. I was drawn to the social aspect of Uni; some of the closest and strongest connections you can have are made there. And in my case, studying would help to boost me into my dream industry; acting.
However, this lends itself to be a deterrent from studying as well. To apply to study acting is immensely taxing, in that rejection is essentially all you can expect. All you hear are stories of those who had to audition for years before being accepted. And each of these auditions cost money each time, including audition fees, travel, accommodation and additional costs including tutoring, purchasing play texts etc. And even once I had got into the drama school, this wouldn’t guarantee a career in the industry.
With all of this in mind, I was then torn between applying for drama school- my lifelong dream- or going with a more sensible, ‘career’ degree- yet another decision to make.
So you can see where my hesitation spiralled from!
This ambivalence has led me to become stuck in what I call ‘limbo mode’, where I’ve now been out of full time education for 2 years now, and starting to look at 3. I’m not someone who is happy to do nothing- I want direction and purpose in life.
My current employment has been a blessing and a curse in this- I love everything about my job, and feel like I am finally in a stable career with a future, so I have that sense of purpose. But if I went away to study, I would have to give it up. However, if I don’t even attempt to go and study at Uni or Drama School, I’ll never know if I could have made it in my lifelong dream job.
Sorry to say this article does not have the satisfying happy ending to give you closure, however I have now at least made one decision- I am applying for drama school when applications open at the end of this year!
It’s a small step that has maybe taken too long to make, and I am not guaranteed to be accepted this year, but I am proud of any amount of progress I can make within this tricky decision process!
Wish me luck…
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Author: Daisy Bavage