Its completely normal for relationships to change once you start a family. Some relationships will drift apart, others will become stronger than ever, and you will find that you make new relationships long the way.
The father to my children. If its even possible I love him more now than before children. Don’t get me wrong there’s been ups and downs and times where we were about to curtain call our relationship. Parenting is hard and you find that you don’t have as much time for each other in those early days, just remember its not forever, you won’t always be so tired and feel like doing nothing. Hang on in there. Children are challenging, but if you both make it out the other side you’ll be stronger than ever!
My mum, dad and my two sisters have been amazing through my motherhood journey so far. My relationship with my sisters hasn’t changed an awful lot, except now I call them auntie Em and auntie Iz for benefit of the munchkins and I’m sure if they have Children I’ll be auntie Jayney!
Now, my mum and dad are still just that, but after I had my first they became my go to people for advice. They’ve been there before 3 times, and their advice has been invaluable. I now get the relationship my mum had with her mum, it goes from mothering a child to becoming more of a best friend. I’m not sure why, I guess partly because I’m a bit older now, but I think mostly because mum has done her job with me. Shes raised me into a strong, independent, loving woman who now has her own children to mother. Its a lovely relationship, before I had children I would clash with my mum a lot, we would argue and fight. Now there’s none of that, just two mothers together sharing experiences and raising children!
Out of my close group of friends, I was one of the first to have children. I was 23 when I had my first. While they were all working hard and playing hard I was starting my family. I was so ready to settle down, they were not and that’s ok, I don’t think they fully understood me wanting to settle down and not still be working hard and partying hard but I’d been doing that since I was 15, though college and university. I had a great time, but I wanted to start the next chapter in my life.
A lot of us drifted apart, but over the last couple of years a few have had children of their own and have come to me for advice and our relationships have blossomed once more and are now as close as we were back then! Except now we talk about lazy nights in, nursing bras and the biggest poop explosions we’ve experienced!
I have made so many new friends on my journey into mother hood, yes most of them are mums or dads too, but hey we have something in common. We are all raising little people! Now these new relationships can be a little strange. They are not like that best friend, where you have set days for a coffee and a catch up or planning a night out.
We keep in contact via social media and Whatsapp mostly, we check in with each other most days. Then will randomly be having a weird sort of day and end up taking the kids out, grab a coffee and then let our kids run off steam in the park.
We ask for advice, we moan, we rant we laugh. Hand on heart I can honestly say I have made some lovely friends since becoming a mum, and I know I have their support if I needed it or even just someone to listen!
Surprisingly this relationship took the hardest hit. It also took the longest to find again.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give, is to remember your relationship with yourself before you had children. Once you have children its so easy to fall into the trap if just being a mum or dad you find yourself always putting everyone else before you, or you never have enough time to do something for yourself, to take a step back from parenting for just a few moments. The you that once was is still there, your just lost in the parenting realm. Remember to schedule some time in to check in with yourself!
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